I want to extend a happy tidings to everyone out there during the Holidays. And, because I'm nothing if not helpful, I've compiled a list of gifts that anyone out there can get me for Christmas. Now, some of you out there may be saying "But wait... what if I don't know you? Anyway, I have a whole lot of friends already I have to get gifts for." Well, let me tell you that this is the season for giving, damn it. So GIMME!
But ok, I get it. You want ideas for other people on your list. That's fine. Take any of these suggestions and apply them liberally across your entire list of friends. There, don't you feel better? You can thank me by sending me a gift. Or money. Preferably in twenty dollar bills.
The Christmas List:
1. Perfumes, body washes, etc. -- If there's one thing we can all agree on it's that people stink. Every single last one of them. So this Holiday season, let us make a commitment to rectifying this horrible oversight of nature. Give a gift to your friends and family that helps them mask that terrible funk. And don't let any of their nay saying dissuade you. After all, they can't smell themselves as clearly as you can smell them. Just be careful with allergies. The last thing you want is to give them something you're going to be allergic to. So try it out before you buy.
2. Property ... in SPACE! -- Listen, there's no greater gift than land. And what's more exciting than space. Therefore, giving the gift of space land must be the greatest gift ever. I'm not going to link to any particular site here because, frankly, there are too many of them and I don't want to look like I'm favoring anyone in particular. But rest assured for a mere 20 to 40 dollars you can own a piece of the moon or name an entire star after someone you know. Now there are some criticisms about this kind of gift as no earthly body will recognize your rights or honor any purchases made in this way and the fact that there's an international treaty that does not allow any private entity to own astronomical bodies... or parts of it... BUT if you think about it, it's a no brainer.
Whoever you're giving the gift to is probably not going to live long enough to see civilians land on the moon or visit distant stars. So you're essentially in the clear. If anyone ever complains just tell them "Look, if you want to go visit it go ahead. It's right there. I'm not stopping you." It's not YOUR fault they can't ACTUALLY do it.
3. Any gift that results in a post card with the words "So-and-so has made a contribution to X in your name." -- Now technically, I'm not really interested in getting this gift. In fact, don't bother sending me this gift. I'll just hate you forever.
But I can't help but marvel at the genius that thought this up. I can, in effect, not get you ANYTHING and you still have to act like you appreciate it. This is the greatest scam ever. "Listen," I will say "I got you the greatest gift of all. The gift of seeing a child smile." I will then hand you a postcard featuring a small toothless baby displaying a strange expression that MAY be a smile or MAY be constipation. I can never tell. I will then ask you to disregard the fact that the postcard itself looks like a badly printed card that may or may not have come from a desktop printer. If you push the issue I'll call you an uncaring bastard. GENIUS!
4. Anything handmade -- Some would argue that handmade gifts should really remain the domain of 6 year olds with macaroni. I say, these people are too narrow minded. Not everything handmade has to be crappy. In fact, here's a link to a handmade ring on Amazon.com. Also, there are these people. Granted, I don't know how to play the guitar. But maybe all I've been waiting for is for someone to give me a handmade model to encourage me to learn. The pricier the more incentive.
So there you have it. With this as your guide, you will not go wrong this holiday season. And remember: twenty dollar bills.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Thursday, December 21, 2006
HOLY MOLY!
Giant Squid! Wheee! Anyway, here's a link to the Reuters story: SQUID. You can find a couple more pictures there as well as a video on the story. Pretty cool. Enjoy.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Shorts: Episode 1
The people of Twik had been known across the galaxy for their great religious zealotry for over three thousand years. Many different religions had existed before and even to this day there were many small religions, seen mainly as misguided cults, throughout the planet. The most wide spread religion concerned itself not with the salvation of souls or in the upward morality of its citizenry, but rather with ensuring that the large part of it’s native population never discovered that there were inhabitants beyond their planet’s atmosphere.
The irony, of course, was that for the past seven hundred years the entire planet had been engaged in galactic trade and communication. The entire planet’s population was aware of the aliens beyond the bounds of their home world but refused to speak of the whole thing out of polite deference for their chosen belief system.
The trouble had begun pretty much at the inception of the religion. When the prophet Miktet had prophesied that beyond the world in which he lived there existed a land of beauty and plenty from which no creature would desire to return, his disciples took him a bit too literally. After Miktet’s death his diciples buried his remains and watched the grave for several years awaiting his spiritual rebirth. Of course, this did not happen. His disciples rejoiced and at last carried Miktet’s words to the planet’s inhabitants; knowing he had spoken truth. Miktet, they argued, had gained divinity and had no desire to return to the earthly plane. What further proof was necessary?
What followed was twenty-five hundred years of scientific stagnation as religious leaders declared any building more than 2 stories tall was an affront to the heavens. Only the church, they argued, could break this rule as its holy countenance was the only structure the gods deemed worthy. Along this same vein aeronautics, radio communication and astrology were deemed heretical.
When the Twik at last made contact with an alien culture they did so only on their own terms. For several days the Lorcati had hovered above their planet attempting to communicate via a series of complex lights and maneuvers. When no opposition, or in fact any acknowledgement either way, the Lorcati dropped their main fleet above several highly populated cities and made several attempts at communication involving several speaker phones, a series of astounding light displays, three psychics, and little used communication technique involving scented plant matter. After careful consideration the Lorcati believed they had found the only species in the galaxy incapable of perceiving the world around them.
In a final attempt at communication the Lorcati admiral chose to land on the planet itself and witness the extent of the Twik’s sensorial deficiency. What follows is the official Lorcati log concerning Twikian Contact Alpha:
:: Various sounds as Admiral Fuslag prepares to gauge planet inhabitant’s inability to sense planetary stimuli ::
Fuslag: I am now walking about the planet seeking an inhabitant with which to make contact… or as is believed by most of my scientific crew, to fail miserably at making contact of any kind. So far we have been flying about the planet at about 100 meters above the surface; making a ruckus of all kinds… and the inhabitants have yet to take notice.
:: wedging sound ::
Fuslag: I have now activated my neural communication device which should enable me to speak to the native inhabitants… provided they are capable of thought.
:: sound of gravel being trod upon ::
Fuslag: So far I have not encountered any living sentients in the city… I presume they have all retreated into their living structures. I am making my way now to what appears to be the largest structure in this town… my hope is to make contact without having to … crawl through a window or break down any doors… as we all recall what happened on planet Swic’k … I still have nightmares about that one… so much butter…
:: recording interrupted at this point and resumed 20 minutes later ::
Fuslag: The recording shall show that 20 minutes have passed since the last recording. I will have to apologize for this lapse… but there are things… a man should never have to relive…
:: recording interrupted at this point and resumed 4 minutes later ::
:: sounds of retching ::
Fuslag: Oh god… that’s… SO MUCH BUTTER!
:: Content edited by High Command under grounds of Intergalactic Security ::
:: recording resumed 20 minutes later ::
Fuslag: At last. I think I see an inhabitant of the planet. He appears to be sitting on a flat white stone. The inhabitant itself is a brown, hairy creature. It is wearing a white pointy hat. I will now attempt to make contact…
:: sound of gravel being trod upon carefully ::
Fuslag: Pardon me? Might you have the local temporal measurement?
Inhabitant: What then? The locust tendril excrement? I haven’t a clue of such things. If you want pest control you’ll have to go to brother Mentris. That’s his business. I just water the :: untranslatable word indicating local plant matter ::.
Fuslag: Oh… yes… Uh… I presume he can hear and speak as well?
Inhabitant: What? Of course he can you … What the devil are you!?
Fuslag: Admiral Fuslag, Commander First Class, currently assigned to Fleet Zeta Zeta Alpha. I have come to your planet to extend to you the appendage of friendship as authorized by the Lorcati high command.
Inhabitant: Appendage, you say?
Fuslag: Yes well… not all known species in the galaxy have what one would call hands… or in fact recognizable arm structures…
:: silence ::
Inhabitant: Well good then. You’ve done that and can now take your appendage and go away again, I trust?
Fuslag: ‘fraid not. Now that we have become allies the High Command will want to sign treaties and establish a trade route through this sector. Possibly your people will be ready to join the galactic assembly within five hundred years… you’ll have to fill out a form for that… and there’s a waiting period. You know how it is; red tape.
:: silence ::
Fuslag: So shall we get to it then?
:: silence ::
Fuslag: Eh… The record will show that the inhabitant has fallen into some kind of… self induced mental coma.
Inhabitant: You’re one the sky visitors?
Fuslag: Sky--- oh! Yes. Yes indeed. We have descended from the sky to bring you SCIENCE and TECHNOLO—
Inhabitant: You don’t exist then. Oh my, you gave me a scare. For a moment I thought you might be serious.
Fuslag: What’s that? What do you mean I don’t exist. I’m standing right in front of you aren’t I?
Inhabitant: Ah, yes. But the prophet Miktet told us of the world beyond our own and said that none would want to return to the earthly realm after ascending. Thus, you are an affront to the natural way of things or are the mental fabrication of an old man in his waning years.
Fuslag: I… but…
:: silence ::
Inhabitant: Be so kind as to leave now. I have much watering of the ::plant-form:: to do.
Fuslag: All right… look here. I can’t very well go back to my ship and tell my subordinates that I made contact with a single old man who refused to speak to me because he didn’t believe I existed. If you’ll direct me to someone less…
Inhabitant: senile?
Fuslag: mentally saddled with responsibility…
Inhabitant: I would have said senile.
Fuslag: I’ll get out of your way.
Inhabitant: Oh, I can’t do that. There isn’t anyone.
Fuslag: What? Why not?
Inhabitant: Well aside from you being a mental fabrication of my own mind, no one would speak to you if you came from the heavens. It would be heretical.
Fuslag: But… clearly if I came from the world beyond you should want to know what that world is like, right?!
Inhabitant: Oh gods, no. Whatever happens up there is none of our business. At least, not until we have ascended.
Fuslag: Well who’s to say I’m not one of your … uh… ascended. Yes, that’s it. I’ve come back to guide your planet to a more prosperous time.
Inhabitant: Good one. But the prophet Miktet himself did not return from the beyond. Why should I believe you?
:: silence ::
Fuslag: Because I have a giant bloody fleet at my command and I can incinerate your entire planet if you don’t take me seriously!
Inhabitant: But in order to believe in your fleet I’d have to believe in you. And as we have already established, you do not exist.
Fuslag: We have established no such thing! I tell you, I am a Lorcati admiral and I have come to enlighten your planet! Now are you going to be enlightened or do I have to blast you to kingdom come?!
Inhabitant: Now now. There’s no reason to yell at a senile old man.
Fuslag: Mentally saddled with responsibility.
Inhabitant: If you are one of the sky people, you must be a god.
Fuslag: Well no. I’m much like yourself just of a different species. Different world.
Inhabitant: Too bad. If you were a god our people would acknowledge your existence. As it is, you can only be my imagination.
Fuslag: Aha! You fell for it. I’m Fuslag, God of… intergalactic fleets.
Inhabitant: I could have sworn you said you weren’t –
Fuslag: That’s just the senility speaking. Now let’s get these treaties signed before you anger your god!
:: record end ::
Friday, November 10, 2006
A Heavy Handed Analogy
It was an early November morning in the city of the sun. The synthetic had crawled out of the sewer and beheld the sunrise and was changed. It fell to its knees and stayed there as the traffic around him had swelled until at last he was surrounded by the sound of metal cylinders creating tiny explosions that helped the organics navigate the chaos in their large metal vehicles which made blusterous honking sounds at other organics. The synthetic watched the burning orb as it sailed across the empty sky, wondering how it managed to stay in the sky without falling.
When the sun at last fell behind the horizon the synthetic was left alone in the street with only a handful of street lamps to light his way. Without the sun to light the world, the synthetic felt alone and in an odd way, though this was impossible, he felt the cold of the night penetrate his hard ceramic frame.
When the sun did not rise again 12 hours later, the synthetic anguished. How could anyone live in a world without the light of the sun? At last, in the distance, he could see two pale white lights coming his way swerving back and forth on the street. “Perhaps they are bits of the sun”, he thought, “broken off and wandering their way back to it. I will direct them towards it and they will guide me to its home.” As the lights approached, much too quickly, he felt himself rise and quickly crash into the ground. Though he tried to stand he could no longer conjure the energy and after a short time he ceased trying.
At 7:30 on a November morning in the city of the sun, the city maintenance department made its way through the traffic of the city to a synthetic which had been reported as causing an obstruction on a main street. Sometime in the morning, a few minutes before sunrise, it had been struck by an unknown motorist and been left in the eastbound lane.
When the sun at last fell behind the horizon the synthetic was left alone in the street with only a handful of street lamps to light his way. Without the sun to light the world, the synthetic felt alone and in an odd way, though this was impossible, he felt the cold of the night penetrate his hard ceramic frame.
When the sun did not rise again 12 hours later, the synthetic anguished. How could anyone live in a world without the light of the sun? At last, in the distance, he could see two pale white lights coming his way swerving back and forth on the street. “Perhaps they are bits of the sun”, he thought, “broken off and wandering their way back to it. I will direct them towards it and they will guide me to its home.” As the lights approached, much too quickly, he felt himself rise and quickly crash into the ground. Though he tried to stand he could no longer conjure the energy and after a short time he ceased trying.
At 7:30 on a November morning in the city of the sun, the city maintenance department made its way through the traffic of the city to a synthetic which had been reported as causing an obstruction on a main street. Sometime in the morning, a few minutes before sunrise, it had been struck by an unknown motorist and been left in the eastbound lane.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
This is why I love Geek-Fu Action Grip. Most parents would be so creeped out by this image there is no chance in hell they would ever take a picture of it and share it with the web community. But Mur Lafferty of Geek-Fu, and all true nerds, love the opportunity to share this. LISTEN TO GEEK-FU!
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Respect my Sereni-tay!
I was checking out the latest Diggnation video podcast this morning and they mentioned something called South Park Studio. It's a pretty cool site that lets you create characters with the same look as the South Park cartoon.
Suffice it to say that I HAD to try my hand at it and you see the fruit of my labor above. The cast of Firefly done up as best as the site will allow. I think it came out pretty good.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Welcome to the suck
It's Friday morning and I'm looking through my movie options for the day... I can't say I'm very pleased. The following are some quick thoughts about my prospects.
The Break-up: Been out for a while and I still have no interest for this. In fact, I care less about it now than ever. Even as a chick-flick this movie falls short. I can barely stand to watch the previews. I can't imagine the kind of torture it would be to watch the whole movie.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: Let's ignore the fact that the name alone makes me laugh out loud. This movie has nothing to offer me. I don't care about fast cars and the loser pretty boys showing off. I curse everyone involved with this movie. I hope they die a horrible flaming death.
Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties: What the hell?! Is there some kind of law that all movies being released now need to have a subtitle? Damn you, Hollywood. Damn you all! I hope ants eat your eyes as you sleep!
The Lake House: Sandra Bullock. Keanu Reeves. Magic Mailbox. Who keeps giving these people work?! Actually, forget that. I know who keeps giving them work and it's not entirely their fault. It's YOURS! And... mine. It's true. I went to watch the Matrix movies... I watched Speed. And so did you, admit it! We share the blame for this movie and have no right to complain. Even so, I didn't write the script or decide to inflict it upon the American public. In some countries, Sandra Bullock is considered a crime against humanity. After it was discovered that Keanu's bad acting is actually a tangible substance which spreads through the air, he has been banned by international treaty from traveling by air. If you don't believe me watch Constantine. Previously thought to be "atmosphere" created by lighting, Keanu's bad acting was filmed by the Constantine cameras. Especially thick and potent in that film, it was observed to wander about the set and make small chit chat with the crew. Scientist have now observed the substance and have named it Keanium, in honor of its creator.
Cars: What the hell? No subtitles? You mean it's not called "Cars: Shadow Demon Osaka Nitro"? It's NOT just a bad storyline with shiny CGI designed to entertain retarded babies for 5 minutes and making adults vomit in anger?* This... is a movie handed down by the Gods themselves. A breath of fresh air in an endless field surrounded by cows doing their business. Man... I'm in rare form today. Behold my authorial prowess!
But back to the issue at hand. Pixar. I think I love you. I have watched your films and have been impressed with every one. Granted this movie has it's flaws... like never explaining how a world filled with cars and no humans could exist. Just the thought of cars evolving sentience is weird.
Nacho Libre: Yes. I know. I'm bad. I think I'm going to watch this movie. I accept your hate and ridicule. I am indeed what is wrong with this country. But in my defence, ummm... "sometimes a man wears stretchy pants... just for fun".
*"Vomiting in Anger" brought to you by the genius writers of Futurama. I steal because I love.
END COMMUNICATION!
The Break-up: Been out for a while and I still have no interest for this. In fact, I care less about it now than ever. Even as a chick-flick this movie falls short. I can barely stand to watch the previews. I can't imagine the kind of torture it would be to watch the whole movie.
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: Let's ignore the fact that the name alone makes me laugh out loud. This movie has nothing to offer me. I don't care about fast cars and the loser pretty boys showing off. I curse everyone involved with this movie. I hope they die a horrible flaming death.
Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties: What the hell?! Is there some kind of law that all movies being released now need to have a subtitle? Damn you, Hollywood. Damn you all! I hope ants eat your eyes as you sleep!
The Lake House: Sandra Bullock. Keanu Reeves. Magic Mailbox. Who keeps giving these people work?! Actually, forget that. I know who keeps giving them work and it's not entirely their fault. It's YOURS! And... mine. It's true. I went to watch the Matrix movies... I watched Speed. And so did you, admit it! We share the blame for this movie and have no right to complain. Even so, I didn't write the script or decide to inflict it upon the American public. In some countries, Sandra Bullock is considered a crime against humanity. After it was discovered that Keanu's bad acting is actually a tangible substance which spreads through the air, he has been banned by international treaty from traveling by air. If you don't believe me watch Constantine. Previously thought to be "atmosphere" created by lighting, Keanu's bad acting was filmed by the Constantine cameras. Especially thick and potent in that film, it was observed to wander about the set and make small chit chat with the crew. Scientist have now observed the substance and have named it Keanium, in honor of its creator.
Cars: What the hell? No subtitles? You mean it's not called "Cars: Shadow Demon Osaka Nitro"? It's NOT just a bad storyline with shiny CGI designed to entertain retarded babies for 5 minutes and making adults vomit in anger?* This... is a movie handed down by the Gods themselves. A breath of fresh air in an endless field surrounded by cows doing their business. Man... I'm in rare form today. Behold my authorial prowess!
But back to the issue at hand. Pixar. I think I love you. I have watched your films and have been impressed with every one. Granted this movie has it's flaws... like never explaining how a world filled with cars and no humans could exist. Just the thought of cars evolving sentience is weird.
Nacho Libre: Yes. I know. I'm bad. I think I'm going to watch this movie. I accept your hate and ridicule. I am indeed what is wrong with this country. But in my defence, ummm... "sometimes a man wears stretchy pants... just for fun".
*"Vomiting in Anger" brought to you by the genius writers of Futurama. I steal because I love.
END COMMUNICATION!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Thanka Yu So Naise
It's really weird that I was sure I'd never play Nintendo DS. I should have known that sooner or later Nintendo was going to release something for the system that I would not be able to resist. In fact, that happened a few months ago when they put out Tetris DS. I love that game in a way... that is possibly unhealthy. And now, the bastards have gone and done it again. Now they've released New Super Mario Brothers.
I didn't even know how much I had missed that damn mustachioed plumber and his 2d platforming adventures until I started that first level and all of a sudden I was 10 years old again. I swear that first level HAS to be an homage to the first SMB. The navigation system (where you move mario and decide what level you want to enter) is clearly from SMB 3. They've even included multiple exit points and a hell of a lot of short cuts to other levels as in Super Mario World (my personal favorite).
But of course... things weren't exactly as I remembered them. I'm pretty sure Mario didn't use to eat a large mushroom that could make him the size of the entire screen and allow you to smash through brick walls. Or if you prefer a more subtle approach to your gaming, they've included a mini-mushroom. This does, essentially, the opposite of the giant mushroom. It makes you smaller than regular Mario and your regular jumps become useless against normal sized enemies. As in SMB 3 the designers have included a suit. This time it's that of a turtle. Get a running start and Mario becomes the same kind of destructive turtle shell as any other.
Oh ... how I love New Super Mario Brothers. And yet... there are some things that bug me.
First, what the hell is going on at Nintendo? Did the person that used to name their products quit or die or something? Not only do we have to deal with the worst console name of all time (Nintendo Wii), but now THIS. NEW Super Mario Brothers? Couldn't someone be bothered to come up with a better name than that? "So what's the name of the new super mario brothers game you guys are working on? Oh... New Super Mario Brothers?" At least pretend you care, guys!
Second, where's my damn Yoshi?! I know most people don't like Yoshi because he's the SMB equivalent of Jar-Jar, but c'mon! Enslaving lizard creatures for my transportational uses was one of my favorite things in Mario World. I need that back. Especially in the more annoying levels where I could just grab a blue turtle shell and fly the hell out of there. Whooo!
Third, where's my jaunty yellow cape?! Or at least my Racoon Tail? There is no flying at all in this game. Yeah, there are a few ramps that spin you and cause you to float slowly downward and mini-mario does float gently... but that's not the same! I need to fly!
Reguardless, New SMB is a damn good game. Feels a bit short, though. If you ignore all the warps and shortcuts you could probably finish the whole game in about 10 hours. If you take all the shortcuts you could probably be done in 1 hour. This is assuming you've not played this specific game before. I bought the game on a Friday evening and was done before the end of the weekend. That was a bit surprising.
Oh. In case your wondering, the title of this post refers to what Mario says when he gets to the end of every level. I honestly have no idea what he's trying to say but it sounds like "Thank You. So Nice." I don't know why. Crazy Italians.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Some stuff I wrote
Here's something I wrote that I hope I can turn into a longer narrative.
Megan
In the blackness of her room, Megan clasped her hands desperately around her legs; keeping them tight against her chest. Around her, over the once clean white bed sheets and pillow, the blood congealed.
The terror that filled her now was unlike any she had ever experienced. It wasn’t just the strange emptiness she now felt inside of her, but rather the horror of realizing she didn’t mind it. When she had woken an hour ago to find her bed thick with a damp and sticky substance she had panicked.
She had gone through all the possibilities in her mind: the roof is leaking, I spilled the water jug beside the bed, someone’s playing a trick on me, someone’s in the apartment… The idea that a stranger was invading her privacy caused the little hairs on her body to rise in fear. She had spent the next 5 minutes trying to talk herself into turning on the light beside the bed. In a way she couldn’t verbalize she was more afraid of seeing an invader in the room with her than to have the same danger without the knowledge of it.
When she finally mustered the bravery to flick the light on she was only slightly disturbed by the sight of her bed covered in what appeared to be blood.
An hour after finding the source of all the blood, Megan found herself unable to get herself out of a fetal position. Her mind insisted that despite the evidence, what she had discovered could not be true. So long as she remained here, hiding away from the world, she wouldn’t have to face what she had seen.
She had also turned the light off again. An act she had begun to regret now as she desperately sought for something to distract her mind. The shadows created by the light streaming from the window seemed so dark and deep that she felt she was falling into them. At times she could almost see them flickering and straining almost as if alive.
Megan at last allowed herself the sob that had been forming within her for almost an hour. But though she wanted to cry and feel the tears falling down her face, they would not come. All she could muster were the dry heaving of raw emotion.
Megan had fallen in and out of sleep all day. The phone had rung 7 times and someone had come and knocked on the door for 15 minutes before finally giving up. She was aware of these things somewhere in the back of her mind but paid no real attention to them. Megan was beginning to think she could see through the walls and into the other apartments.
Sometime in the afternoon she had turned around and been able to see into her neighbor’s living room. She knew it was his living room because she had met him in the halls a few times. She had watched him work at his desk for twenty minutes, fully expecting him to turn and see her just as easily as she saw him. But he never showed any indication of knowing she was there before the wall returned and Megan was left to fight her terror once again.
In the evening, the floor beneath her bed had disappeared and revealed the teenage boy downstairs talking on the phone and watching television. The boy had looked up at the ceiling a couple of times but seemed to do so more out of boredom than realization that Megan was watching him.
At midnight the voices began talking to Megan.
“Why do you hide yourself, Megan?”
“Stand up, Megan. Reveal what you have become.”
Megan sobbed at this and asked “What have I become?”
“A God.”
She wasn’t quite sure why, but this terrified her. Her screams lashed out in the night, waking her neighbors. She tried to close her eyes to shut out the world but somehow could still see everything around her. The walls disappeared again, this time revealing every apartment in her building. She could see her next door neighbor walking out of his apartment and desperately knocking at her door. She watched the teenager downstairs get out of bed, bleary-eyed and wondering what the screaming was about. She watched various other couples in the apartment as they woke and cursed at her for waking them.
“Stand up, Megan. Become what you are meant to be.”
Without meaning to, Megan’s hands unclasped from around her legs for the first time in more than 24 hours. As she rose from the bed, the walls became crystalline and reflected her own image back at her.
Megan continued to scream as she watched black shadow tendrils wrap themselves around her legs and begin pulling her down into the darkness. Her terror increased as she watched the tendrils reaching higher and higher until they reached her chest. Megan tried to cover herself with her arms and close her eyes but the shadow tendrils had wrapped themselves around her arms and kept them away and her eyelids no longer kept the world out.
She could no longer deny the truth and this caused her to scream louder and harder than ever. Something had pulled out Megan’s heart. Not merely removed it, but left a large gaping hole in her chest. When the shadows swallowed Megan at last, all that remained were a blood soaked bed and the eerie hush left behind by Megan’s silence.
Megan
In the blackness of her room, Megan clasped her hands desperately around her legs; keeping them tight against her chest. Around her, over the once clean white bed sheets and pillow, the blood congealed.
The terror that filled her now was unlike any she had ever experienced. It wasn’t just the strange emptiness she now felt inside of her, but rather the horror of realizing she didn’t mind it. When she had woken an hour ago to find her bed thick with a damp and sticky substance she had panicked.
She had gone through all the possibilities in her mind: the roof is leaking, I spilled the water jug beside the bed, someone’s playing a trick on me, someone’s in the apartment… The idea that a stranger was invading her privacy caused the little hairs on her body to rise in fear. She had spent the next 5 minutes trying to talk herself into turning on the light beside the bed. In a way she couldn’t verbalize she was more afraid of seeing an invader in the room with her than to have the same danger without the knowledge of it.
When she finally mustered the bravery to flick the light on she was only slightly disturbed by the sight of her bed covered in what appeared to be blood.
An hour after finding the source of all the blood, Megan found herself unable to get herself out of a fetal position. Her mind insisted that despite the evidence, what she had discovered could not be true. So long as she remained here, hiding away from the world, she wouldn’t have to face what she had seen.
She had also turned the light off again. An act she had begun to regret now as she desperately sought for something to distract her mind. The shadows created by the light streaming from the window seemed so dark and deep that she felt she was falling into them. At times she could almost see them flickering and straining almost as if alive.
Megan at last allowed herself the sob that had been forming within her for almost an hour. But though she wanted to cry and feel the tears falling down her face, they would not come. All she could muster were the dry heaving of raw emotion.
Megan had fallen in and out of sleep all day. The phone had rung 7 times and someone had come and knocked on the door for 15 minutes before finally giving up. She was aware of these things somewhere in the back of her mind but paid no real attention to them. Megan was beginning to think she could see through the walls and into the other apartments.
Sometime in the afternoon she had turned around and been able to see into her neighbor’s living room. She knew it was his living room because she had met him in the halls a few times. She had watched him work at his desk for twenty minutes, fully expecting him to turn and see her just as easily as she saw him. But he never showed any indication of knowing she was there before the wall returned and Megan was left to fight her terror once again.
In the evening, the floor beneath her bed had disappeared and revealed the teenage boy downstairs talking on the phone and watching television. The boy had looked up at the ceiling a couple of times but seemed to do so more out of boredom than realization that Megan was watching him.
At midnight the voices began talking to Megan.
“Why do you hide yourself, Megan?”
“Stand up, Megan. Reveal what you have become.”
Megan sobbed at this and asked “What have I become?”
“A God.”
She wasn’t quite sure why, but this terrified her. Her screams lashed out in the night, waking her neighbors. She tried to close her eyes to shut out the world but somehow could still see everything around her. The walls disappeared again, this time revealing every apartment in her building. She could see her next door neighbor walking out of his apartment and desperately knocking at her door. She watched the teenager downstairs get out of bed, bleary-eyed and wondering what the screaming was about. She watched various other couples in the apartment as they woke and cursed at her for waking them.
“Stand up, Megan. Become what you are meant to be.”
Without meaning to, Megan’s hands unclasped from around her legs for the first time in more than 24 hours. As she rose from the bed, the walls became crystalline and reflected her own image back at her.
Megan continued to scream as she watched black shadow tendrils wrap themselves around her legs and begin pulling her down into the darkness. Her terror increased as she watched the tendrils reaching higher and higher until they reached her chest. Megan tried to cover herself with her arms and close her eyes but the shadow tendrils had wrapped themselves around her arms and kept them away and her eyelids no longer kept the world out.
She could no longer deny the truth and this caused her to scream louder and harder than ever. Something had pulled out Megan’s heart. Not merely removed it, but left a large gaping hole in her chest. When the shadows swallowed Megan at last, all that remained were a blood soaked bed and the eerie hush left behind by Megan’s silence.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
My Thoughts and Other Unusual Phenomenon
I like to think of myself as a pretty smart guy. But I wonder if I could be using my brain power in more constructive ways. As I am too close to the subject in question, I will post the evidence here and let the Internet community be the judge.
Thoughts that keep me awake at night:
There is something seriously wrong with this country. No, I'm not talking about the way the government is trying to strip us of our civil rights or of the asinine Intelligent Design issue. I'm talking about the way, sometime in the last 5 to 10 years, that the "small" size items have dissapeared as options in theaters and fast food restaurants. Has no one else noticed this? There is no way I can get a small size drink at the theater any more. My options are: medium, large, and xl. What the hell? What happened to small? And before you start getting any ideas that this might be a relevant social comment, I don't care about "fattening of America" or the "nutritionally devoid American diet" B.S. I just think this shows a flaw in logic.
See if you can follow this. All items may be categorized as Small, Medium, or Large. However, these things may only be called such IF they are viewed in relation to each other. One cannot say "This grain of sand is LARGE" unless one has a point of reference. In other words, while a grain of sand may infact be large, it may only be large in comparison to other grains of sand or to other items that are not large.
Keeping this in mind, THERE CAN BE NO MEDIUM WHERE THERE IS NO SMALL. Medium, by definition, is a middle ground between small and large. If there is no small, there can be no medium. So, in point of fact, the medium IS the small. The large IS the medium. The xl IS the large.
To all you fast food people: I'm not stupid! I understand that sometime in the recent past you guys probably thought "Hey, if we take away the small people will have to buy the medium and we'll make more money". Fine. I get it. You're jerks. But you're not fooling anyone. Just raise the price of the small and let the customers decide if they want one size or another.
On a related note: Changing the names of the sizes of your cups of coffee to a different language does NOT totally blow my mind. It does NOT confuse me and make me buy a larger cup than I thought I needed. For my part, I do not order a Venti. I always make sure to look the clerk straight in the eye and say "Give me a LARGE!". (Note that the exclamation point is only there to add emphasis. I do not actually yell out my request. These people live shallow, meaningless lives as it is. They don't need some guy yelling at them to add to their problems.)
Thoughts that keep me from working:
I would like to have pizza for lunch. But, you know, I don't think I want to pay for the whole pizza. And my co-workers aren't in the mood for pizza today. So I think there should be a way to order a half a pizza. Not just a smaller pizza, that's silly. NO. I want to order HALF a pizza. I can't eat a whole medium pizza. It's too much. I want HALF a pizza.
Now I can see the pizza people pondering the potential of partial product procedures. And I'm here to help. Think of it: Pre-ordered, Pre-paid pizza! I should be able to order pizza in what is termed "make and hold". In other words, I want to place an order for a pizza now that shall be delivered at a predetermined point in the future. And, yes. I know PizzaHut.com already does this, but do they give me the option to get half my order now and half later? Perhaps I only want 3 slices today. But I'll be hungry next week, no doubt. Send me the rest then.
Also, I would like to suggest a new topping. Pizza. I would like to have "pizza" be a topping for my pizza. And I don't want any skimping on that topping, either. I don't just mean you take pieces of pizza dough and crumble it over my pizza. I mean go all out: Create mini pizzas with mini pepperoni and mini mushrooms all made as one would a regular pizza but 1/10th the size. Then take those mini pizzas and use them as toppings for my pizza. Why? I don't know... does everything have to have a reason? I just like the idea of some guy making pizzas with a magnifying glass in front of his face the way jewelers do.
On a related note: Some pizza places now deliver Buffalo-flavored boneless wings". I'm not sure I understand this. How the hell am I supposed to know what Buffalo tastes like? What am I gonna do? Try them at the door and shout "AHA! I have you. These clearly do NOT taste like Buffalo! I had Buffalo last night and it tasted nothing like this!" I'm sure someone out there would know what that tastes like, but all the places I buy my meat don't offer that as an option.
Why do we have an exclamation point (!) and a question mark (?)? Why do we not have an exclamation mark and a question point? And you would think that if anything would be called a "point" it would be a period. So we should also have a period point... and yet we don't. Why is that?
Thoughts that keep me from winning the Nobel Peace Prize:
I think we've waited long enough to build Battle Mechs. We have the technology to start building battle armor. Where are all the experiments to bring us full scale Mechwarrior style battle tanks? I want to see some Friggin' MECHA!
I understand that it's not as easy as anime makes it look, but C'mon! Mecha!
Clearly our generation are nothing but a bunch of slackers. I can't help feel that we've failed to live up to the expectations of 1950s America. Where are the hover cars? Where are the personal jet packs? We should have colonized mars by now and yet, here we are, wondering if MAYBE the moon has water-ice. And obviously, this is a job for America. After all, we own the moon (yes. Yes. we do. We put a little flag on it and everything. That means we own it.). So if anyone should be expanding into the rest of the solar system it should be us.
We are clearly unprepared for interstellar alien invasion. What if we're attacked tomorrow? Who will protect the women and children from the pod people?
I wonder how many guns is considered TOO many guns.
On a related note: How many guns would stop being a "personal collection" and start being "The Gun Museum"? I would think more than 365 guns is officially "The Gun Museum". Because then you can no longer claim you actually use them all. You could get away with claiming you use at least one every day of the year. On Independence day you use 3 or 4 of the special ones. And you keep one locked in a safe for leap year. So... ok. You can get away with 370 guns.
Thoughts that keep me awake at night:
There is something seriously wrong with this country. No, I'm not talking about the way the government is trying to strip us of our civil rights or of the asinine Intelligent Design issue. I'm talking about the way, sometime in the last 5 to 10 years, that the "small" size items have dissapeared as options in theaters and fast food restaurants. Has no one else noticed this? There is no way I can get a small size drink at the theater any more. My options are: medium, large, and xl. What the hell? What happened to small? And before you start getting any ideas that this might be a relevant social comment, I don't care about "fattening of America" or the "nutritionally devoid American diet" B.S. I just think this shows a flaw in logic.
See if you can follow this. All items may be categorized as Small, Medium, or Large. However, these things may only be called such IF they are viewed in relation to each other. One cannot say "This grain of sand is LARGE" unless one has a point of reference. In other words, while a grain of sand may infact be large, it may only be large in comparison to other grains of sand or to other items that are not large.
Keeping this in mind, THERE CAN BE NO MEDIUM WHERE THERE IS NO SMALL. Medium, by definition, is a middle ground between small and large. If there is no small, there can be no medium. So, in point of fact, the medium IS the small. The large IS the medium. The xl IS the large.
To all you fast food people: I'm not stupid! I understand that sometime in the recent past you guys probably thought "Hey, if we take away the small people will have to buy the medium and we'll make more money". Fine. I get it. You're jerks. But you're not fooling anyone. Just raise the price of the small and let the customers decide if they want one size or another.
On a related note: Changing the names of the sizes of your cups of coffee to a different language does NOT totally blow my mind. It does NOT confuse me and make me buy a larger cup than I thought I needed. For my part, I do not order a Venti. I always make sure to look the clerk straight in the eye and say "Give me a LARGE!". (Note that the exclamation point is only there to add emphasis. I do not actually yell out my request. These people live shallow, meaningless lives as it is. They don't need some guy yelling at them to add to their problems.)
Thoughts that keep me from working:
I would like to have pizza for lunch. But, you know, I don't think I want to pay for the whole pizza. And my co-workers aren't in the mood for pizza today. So I think there should be a way to order a half a pizza. Not just a smaller pizza, that's silly. NO. I want to order HALF a pizza. I can't eat a whole medium pizza. It's too much. I want HALF a pizza.
Now I can see the pizza people pondering the potential of partial product procedures. And I'm here to help. Think of it: Pre-ordered, Pre-paid pizza! I should be able to order pizza in what is termed "make and hold". In other words, I want to place an order for a pizza now that shall be delivered at a predetermined point in the future. And, yes. I know PizzaHut.com already does this, but do they give me the option to get half my order now and half later? Perhaps I only want 3 slices today. But I'll be hungry next week, no doubt. Send me the rest then.
Also, I would like to suggest a new topping. Pizza. I would like to have "pizza" be a topping for my pizza. And I don't want any skimping on that topping, either. I don't just mean you take pieces of pizza dough and crumble it over my pizza. I mean go all out: Create mini pizzas with mini pepperoni and mini mushrooms all made as one would a regular pizza but 1/10th the size. Then take those mini pizzas and use them as toppings for my pizza. Why? I don't know... does everything have to have a reason? I just like the idea of some guy making pizzas with a magnifying glass in front of his face the way jewelers do.
On a related note: Some pizza places now deliver Buffalo-flavored boneless wings". I'm not sure I understand this. How the hell am I supposed to know what Buffalo tastes like? What am I gonna do? Try them at the door and shout "AHA! I have you. These clearly do NOT taste like Buffalo! I had Buffalo last night and it tasted nothing like this!" I'm sure someone out there would know what that tastes like, but all the places I buy my meat don't offer that as an option.
Why do we have an exclamation point (!) and a question mark (?)? Why do we not have an exclamation mark and a question point? And you would think that if anything would be called a "point" it would be a period. So we should also have a period point... and yet we don't. Why is that?
Thoughts that keep me from winning the Nobel Peace Prize:
I think we've waited long enough to build Battle Mechs. We have the technology to start building battle armor. Where are all the experiments to bring us full scale Mechwarrior style battle tanks? I want to see some Friggin' MECHA!
I understand that it's not as easy as anime makes it look, but C'mon! Mecha!
Clearly our generation are nothing but a bunch of slackers. I can't help feel that we've failed to live up to the expectations of 1950s America. Where are the hover cars? Where are the personal jet packs? We should have colonized mars by now and yet, here we are, wondering if MAYBE the moon has water-ice. And obviously, this is a job for America. After all, we own the moon (yes. Yes. we do. We put a little flag on it and everything. That means we own it.). So if anyone should be expanding into the rest of the solar system it should be us.
We are clearly unprepared for interstellar alien invasion. What if we're attacked tomorrow? Who will protect the women and children from the pod people?
I wonder how many guns is considered TOO many guns.
On a related note: How many guns would stop being a "personal collection" and start being "The Gun Museum"? I would think more than 365 guns is officially "The Gun Museum". Because then you can no longer claim you actually use them all. You could get away with claiming you use at least one every day of the year. On Independence day you use 3 or 4 of the special ones. And you keep one locked in a safe for leap year. So... ok. You can get away with 370 guns.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
The wonders of Science... on my dinner plate.
I have come to the conclusion that we are overdue for genetically altered foods. While peeling the shell off my shrimp tonight, I realized how glorious the world would be if we could alter shrimp for easier consumption. Granted, the shell must have some use in the wild and all that... but I couldn't care less. Breed the little buggers in fish tanks and keep them clean and ready to serve up in an instant. In terms of energy gained in eating them vs energy used to gather, cook and peel these damn things, I can't help but think we're on the losing end.
But enough about shrimp. Though they may be the most enfuriating food item, I think it's about time the rest of the food groups got a good scrutinization. Think about how much time we could regain by genetically altering all forms of foods and animals to make them easier to consume!
Let's begin with everyone's favorite: fruits and vegetables. Let's be honest, bananas have been looking down at us since the beginning of time. "Look at me. I'm a banana. Concealing my deliciousness in this yellow peel. Watch how I taunt you, humans! Waste energy to access my fruity goodness!" it seems to say... if bananas had mouths, I mean... you know... and could talk... But no more! Science has progressed at last to the point where we can replace the banana peel by genetically replacing that gene with the cocoa plant. Thus making the worlds first natural chocolate covered banana! Onward, science. I salute you.
I love the orange... but Oh, how I curse it. As sweet and juicy as it may be, its secrets remain locked within that horrible orange fortress. With the advancements in science, we can do away with this evil creation of nature. At last, the orange and its nutritious contents can be ours with limited effort.
Walnuts rival the shrimp in the enjoyment/nutrition gain vs energy spent category. It just isn't worth it... But now comes science with its genetic might to do away with the walnut shell! At last, a bounty of walnuts can be mine with zero effort!
But the plant kingdom is not the only one that could use some genetically altered goodness. I've already mentioned the shrimp so I wont bring them up again... even though I hate them oh so much...
Spineless fish! Yes, I know you can get de-spined fish and all that... but it's the principle of the thing. I need some genetically altered fish as a part of my diet. Fish engineered to have no bones or support of any kind, while being hillarious to watch swim, would also be delicious. And at last I could enjoy a meal of fish without the fear of swallowing a sharp spine and choking to death.
I personally hate chicken. But if there were one place to make money by altering an animal to make it easier to eat, this would be your best bet. Somewhere out there, someone HAS to be working on a way to make chickens cook from the inside. Seriously... we need to genetically alter the chicken so that serious fright causes them to explode in just the right places (wings, breast, drumstick) and the explosion causes an even, delicious cooking. We can even cross some chickens with a jalapeno for a spicy flavor.
Cows... are the worlds most perfect food. But let's face it, they're as stupid as certain kinds of moss. And so, I propose we go the route of Douglas Adams' "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe". We must genetically alter these pathetically stupid animals to enjoy destroying themselves for our consumption. Not only would you totally freak out the vegetarians, but if the cow helps you to slaughter it... how much effort do you save?! It's genius.
Anyway, those are my thoughts tonight. Somebody get on this. I want my chocolate covered bananas in 10 years or less!
But enough about shrimp. Though they may be the most enfuriating food item, I think it's about time the rest of the food groups got a good scrutinization. Think about how much time we could regain by genetically altering all forms of foods and animals to make them easier to consume!
Let's begin with everyone's favorite: fruits and vegetables. Let's be honest, bananas have been looking down at us since the beginning of time. "Look at me. I'm a banana. Concealing my deliciousness in this yellow peel. Watch how I taunt you, humans! Waste energy to access my fruity goodness!" it seems to say... if bananas had mouths, I mean... you know... and could talk... But no more! Science has progressed at last to the point where we can replace the banana peel by genetically replacing that gene with the cocoa plant. Thus making the worlds first natural chocolate covered banana! Onward, science. I salute you.
I love the orange... but Oh, how I curse it. As sweet and juicy as it may be, its secrets remain locked within that horrible orange fortress. With the advancements in science, we can do away with this evil creation of nature. At last, the orange and its nutritious contents can be ours with limited effort.
Walnuts rival the shrimp in the enjoyment/nutrition gain vs energy spent category. It just isn't worth it... But now comes science with its genetic might to do away with the walnut shell! At last, a bounty of walnuts can be mine with zero effort!
But the plant kingdom is not the only one that could use some genetically altered goodness. I've already mentioned the shrimp so I wont bring them up again... even though I hate them oh so much...
Spineless fish! Yes, I know you can get de-spined fish and all that... but it's the principle of the thing. I need some genetically altered fish as a part of my diet. Fish engineered to have no bones or support of any kind, while being hillarious to watch swim, would also be delicious. And at last I could enjoy a meal of fish without the fear of swallowing a sharp spine and choking to death.
I personally hate chicken. But if there were one place to make money by altering an animal to make it easier to eat, this would be your best bet. Somewhere out there, someone HAS to be working on a way to make chickens cook from the inside. Seriously... we need to genetically alter the chicken so that serious fright causes them to explode in just the right places (wings, breast, drumstick) and the explosion causes an even, delicious cooking. We can even cross some chickens with a jalapeno for a spicy flavor.
Cows... are the worlds most perfect food. But let's face it, they're as stupid as certain kinds of moss. And so, I propose we go the route of Douglas Adams' "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe". We must genetically alter these pathetically stupid animals to enjoy destroying themselves for our consumption. Not only would you totally freak out the vegetarians, but if the cow helps you to slaughter it... how much effort do you save?! It's genius.
Anyway, those are my thoughts tonight. Somebody get on this. I want my chocolate covered bananas in 10 years or less!
Friday, December 09, 2005
The Chronicles of Mediocrity
For a while it seemed like there was no way for them to get the movie wrong. After all, the story has everything that made "Lord of the Rings" so great -- magic, sword battles, mythical creatures... But "Chronicles of Narnia: The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe" proves how far a director's vision goes in bringing a movie to life.
Narnia, overall just lacks the polish and beauty of LotR. And while some might think it unfair to judge this movie on the benchmarks set by an entirely different cast and crew, I must say that the movie itself (or at least the distribution company's marketing department) has set itself up for this comparison. The early hype went on and on about Weta's contribution to the movie's special effects and how their vision, which transformed LotR into the masterpiece that it is, would make Narnia even greater.
Allow me to disillusion you now. Narnia is bland and only mildly entertaining. The costumes often look like bad puppets and the CGI creatures seem to stand out from the rest of the scenery. But of course, effects aren't everything.
Unfortunately, I never felt drawn into the story either. The overall idea of the story is fine, I suppose. Kids get sent to live with a relative and find a magical means by which they can travel to another world where they get caught up in a battle between good and evil. But I never really buy into motivation of these kids for fighting in the battle. All the creatures they meet seem to accept without question that they are the "chosen ones". That they alone may save the land of Narnia from the wicked witch... but why? And why do these kids believe any of it? Are they so impressionable that they accept that they and they alone can change the tide of a war?
Allright, fine. There are prophecies and Aslan the true king of the land (who is apparently God or Jesus, I can't tell... maybe he's both) has proclaimed the two sons of Adam and the two daughters of Eve to be the land's kings and queens. And for the sake of argument I'll even accept that all the creatures are extremely devout and take Aslan's word as pure law. Why would Aslan bother with the kids? He's clearly more powerful than the witch. She clearly fears his power. Why doesn't he just kill her and be done with it.
This movie also suffers from bad child acting. Can't be helped I suppose. It's not always bad enough to be noticed, but it's there.
The color composition in this movie just flat out irritated me. For the most part it felt like I was watching a black and white movie. Granted the land is supposed to look bleak and dreary, but even scenes where there should be more life and color looked drab. Even scenes that should have looked "warm" look sad simply because they exchanged the black and white scheme with black and orange. So irritating!
I will add one last criticism. The one large battle scene in this movie was pretty sad. Maybe it was just that by the end I didn't care who won. But honestly, this was just ho-hum. Even a centaur fighting a minotaur could not console me after watching a mish mash of CGI animals plow into each other half-heartedly.
So that's it. I didn't like this film. Kids might like it but I feel sorry for the parents that get dragged along. I wouldn't call it a total failure but I just can't bring myself to care about any of the characters or their troubles.
Narnia, overall just lacks the polish and beauty of LotR. And while some might think it unfair to judge this movie on the benchmarks set by an entirely different cast and crew, I must say that the movie itself (or at least the distribution company's marketing department) has set itself up for this comparison. The early hype went on and on about Weta's contribution to the movie's special effects and how their vision, which transformed LotR into the masterpiece that it is, would make Narnia even greater.
Allow me to disillusion you now. Narnia is bland and only mildly entertaining. The costumes often look like bad puppets and the CGI creatures seem to stand out from the rest of the scenery. But of course, effects aren't everything.
Unfortunately, I never felt drawn into the story either. The overall idea of the story is fine, I suppose. Kids get sent to live with a relative and find a magical means by which they can travel to another world where they get caught up in a battle between good and evil. But I never really buy into motivation of these kids for fighting in the battle. All the creatures they meet seem to accept without question that they are the "chosen ones". That they alone may save the land of Narnia from the wicked witch... but why? And why do these kids believe any of it? Are they so impressionable that they accept that they and they alone can change the tide of a war?
Allright, fine. There are prophecies and Aslan the true king of the land (who is apparently God or Jesus, I can't tell... maybe he's both) has proclaimed the two sons of Adam and the two daughters of Eve to be the land's kings and queens. And for the sake of argument I'll even accept that all the creatures are extremely devout and take Aslan's word as pure law. Why would Aslan bother with the kids? He's clearly more powerful than the witch. She clearly fears his power. Why doesn't he just kill her and be done with it.
This movie also suffers from bad child acting. Can't be helped I suppose. It's not always bad enough to be noticed, but it's there.
The color composition in this movie just flat out irritated me. For the most part it felt like I was watching a black and white movie. Granted the land is supposed to look bleak and dreary, but even scenes where there should be more life and color looked drab. Even scenes that should have looked "warm" look sad simply because they exchanged the black and white scheme with black and orange. So irritating!
I will add one last criticism. The one large battle scene in this movie was pretty sad. Maybe it was just that by the end I didn't care who won. But honestly, this was just ho-hum. Even a centaur fighting a minotaur could not console me after watching a mish mash of CGI animals plow into each other half-heartedly.
So that's it. I didn't like this film. Kids might like it but I feel sorry for the parents that get dragged along. I wouldn't call it a total failure but I just can't bring myself to care about any of the characters or their troubles.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
On this edition of "Disclosure": Angels, Teenagers and Nazis.
The Movies: Chick Flicks That Don't Suck
You know those “romantic” movies where the woman is always going off and finding some new guy who listens to her and changes her way of thinking so drastically that she begins to see that her entire life up to that point has been a travesty? What’s up with those movies? For the most part I hate those movies. They all seem to start the same and end the same. You’ve got a woman who’s fed up with her boyfriend. She finds another man who fascinates her because he’s different than anything she’s known. Something happens which makes their love impossible. They overcome this obstacle. They hold each other as the screen fades. The part they don’t show you is that ten years down the line the woman now has three kids she resents, the man she ran off with decided to run away with some other, younger woman. And you know that guy she left behind because he was too stuffy and old fashioned? He runs a multi-billion dollar company and divides his time between his home on a tropical island and an exciting life meeting famous and powerful people. But hey, that’s okay. She left him for love. While we’re on the topic, isn’t it possible for a person to be rich AND be a nice guy?
But anyway, here are a few movies which fall into this category that I didn’t hate.
Angels and Their Fetishes
I liked the 1998 remake of “City of Angels” for the oh-so-weird combination of Meg Ryan as a doctor who’s beginning to have misgivings about the choices she’s made in life and Nicholas Cage (who seems to be constantly inebriated or maybe that’s just what happens when you go to heaven, I haven’t decided) playing an angel who’s become discontent with just helping people. And you can kind of see his point. Who wants to spend the rest of eternity making people feel better about themselves? Also that whole idea is a little creepy. You’re telling me there are these guys standing around ALL the time? Even when I’m in the shower? Hey God, how about some privacy, huh? The premise is just so freaking weird that I can’t help but like it. Also there are few things better than watching Nicholas Cage trying to get Meg Ryan to tell him what an orange tastes like -- "I want to know what it tastes like... to YOU..." There’s something so deep and philosophical about this while at the same time being so completely creepy and, sometimes, stupid. I LOVE IT!
SPOILER ALERT: The Boat Sinks
And then there’s “Titanic”. I didn’t want to like this movie when I went to watch it. I really didn’t. I mean, it had the makings of a total stink-fest. Leonardo DiCaprio had always been (in my mind) “that pretty boy that really sucked as Romeo in ‘Romeo + Juliet’”. I’d never heard of Kate Winslet or Billy Zane. And frankly, there wasn’t a whole lot of mystery about how the movie was going to end. Anyway, I ended up liking it. But something always bugged me about the relationship Rose had with Jack. The plot revolves primarily around Rose being rebellious against her old way of life and clinging to any hope of escaping it, even to the extent of starting a relationship with a person that, by her own admission, was callous and vulgar yet whose way of life she found appealing. Jack, on the other hand, was trying to score. Now, being a man, I think I can see the logic behind Jack’s character. However; I think I’d be vaguely insulted (were I a woman) at the message it seems to put out about the female psyche. First, apparently women can’t make their own decisions and need a man to come along to set it all straight. Second, posing naked for some guy with marginal artistic skill whom you’ve just met is a good idea. Third, killing off said guy in the freezing waters of the northern Atlantic Ocean is a good way of creating fond memories of the past.
On a completely different note, I think this film is a testament to teenage hormones and the intrinsic need to make it in the backseat of a car. Even out in the middle of the Ocean teenagers will seek one out. Also, I would like it pointed out that the character of Rose was underage at the time.
The White House and The Nazi Connection
On the other end of the spectrum you have Casa Blanca. I love that ending. You’ve got the same characters present in all the other movies. 1 boyfriend/husband guy who seems completely oblivious, 1 woman torn between two worlds, 1 macho guy that women swoon for but whose situation makes it difficult to get together with the woman, 1 best friend who is level headed and delivers sound advice. It’s true that part of this movie is played as a mystery, so that one can’t gauge the character’s motivations from the start. However, I feel this is part of the beauty of this movie. The human mind is convoluted and sometimes contradictory thing and the audience only learns each character’s motivation as their prospective lover does. That’s why I like that the woman goes off with her husband leaving the main character to discover his homosexuality, suggested by Bogart’s famous lines “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” shortly before heading off into the mist with a Nazi-sympathizer.
You know those “romantic” movies where the woman is always going off and finding some new guy who listens to her and changes her way of thinking so drastically that she begins to see that her entire life up to that point has been a travesty? What’s up with those movies? For the most part I hate those movies. They all seem to start the same and end the same. You’ve got a woman who’s fed up with her boyfriend. She finds another man who fascinates her because he’s different than anything she’s known. Something happens which makes their love impossible. They overcome this obstacle. They hold each other as the screen fades. The part they don’t show you is that ten years down the line the woman now has three kids she resents, the man she ran off with decided to run away with some other, younger woman. And you know that guy she left behind because he was too stuffy and old fashioned? He runs a multi-billion dollar company and divides his time between his home on a tropical island and an exciting life meeting famous and powerful people. But hey, that’s okay. She left him for love. While we’re on the topic, isn’t it possible for a person to be rich AND be a nice guy?
But anyway, here are a few movies which fall into this category that I didn’t hate.
Angels and Their Fetishes
I liked the 1998 remake of “City of Angels” for the oh-so-weird combination of Meg Ryan as a doctor who’s beginning to have misgivings about the choices she’s made in life and Nicholas Cage (who seems to be constantly inebriated or maybe that’s just what happens when you go to heaven, I haven’t decided) playing an angel who’s become discontent with just helping people. And you can kind of see his point. Who wants to spend the rest of eternity making people feel better about themselves? Also that whole idea is a little creepy. You’re telling me there are these guys standing around ALL the time? Even when I’m in the shower? Hey God, how about some privacy, huh? The premise is just so freaking weird that I can’t help but like it. Also there are few things better than watching Nicholas Cage trying to get Meg Ryan to tell him what an orange tastes like -- "I want to know what it tastes like... to YOU..." There’s something so deep and philosophical about this while at the same time being so completely creepy and, sometimes, stupid. I LOVE IT!
SPOILER ALERT: The Boat Sinks
And then there’s “Titanic”. I didn’t want to like this movie when I went to watch it. I really didn’t. I mean, it had the makings of a total stink-fest. Leonardo DiCaprio had always been (in my mind) “that pretty boy that really sucked as Romeo in ‘Romeo + Juliet’”. I’d never heard of Kate Winslet or Billy Zane. And frankly, there wasn’t a whole lot of mystery about how the movie was going to end. Anyway, I ended up liking it. But something always bugged me about the relationship Rose had with Jack. The plot revolves primarily around Rose being rebellious against her old way of life and clinging to any hope of escaping it, even to the extent of starting a relationship with a person that, by her own admission, was callous and vulgar yet whose way of life she found appealing. Jack, on the other hand, was trying to score. Now, being a man, I think I can see the logic behind Jack’s character. However; I think I’d be vaguely insulted (were I a woman) at the message it seems to put out about the female psyche. First, apparently women can’t make their own decisions and need a man to come along to set it all straight. Second, posing naked for some guy with marginal artistic skill whom you’ve just met is a good idea. Third, killing off said guy in the freezing waters of the northern Atlantic Ocean is a good way of creating fond memories of the past.
On a completely different note, I think this film is a testament to teenage hormones and the intrinsic need to make it in the backseat of a car. Even out in the middle of the Ocean teenagers will seek one out. Also, I would like it pointed out that the character of Rose was underage at the time.
The White House and The Nazi Connection
On the other end of the spectrum you have Casa Blanca. I love that ending. You’ve got the same characters present in all the other movies. 1 boyfriend/husband guy who seems completely oblivious, 1 woman torn between two worlds, 1 macho guy that women swoon for but whose situation makes it difficult to get together with the woman, 1 best friend who is level headed and delivers sound advice. It’s true that part of this movie is played as a mystery, so that one can’t gauge the character’s motivations from the start. However, I feel this is part of the beauty of this movie. The human mind is convoluted and sometimes contradictory thing and the audience only learns each character’s motivation as their prospective lover does. That’s why I like that the woman goes off with her husband leaving the main character to discover his homosexuality, suggested by Bogart’s famous lines “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” shortly before heading off into the mist with a Nazi-sympathizer.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
This blog is brought to you by: Fancy Devil Ham... "It's a Hella good Ham".
Advertisement
I've always known advertisements were everywhere and for the most part I've always thought I could ignore it pretty easily. I ignore it so well that it lead to an embarrasing moment with a co-worker who was asking about my Nike shoes. I replied that I didn't have Nike shoes only to look down at the shoes I was wearing and seeing that familiar "swoosh". I can't help thinking there's something wrong with this situation.
Generally I try to avoid clothing that have any kind of logo or slogan on them because I hate the idea that I'm a walking billboard for some company. What's that about anyway? Not only do I have to pay for the clothes but I have to advertise their brand? Are they not in essence saying "You have to pay us for the privilege to wear our brand". Screw them.
The only time I'll wear a shirt with a logo is when someone will give me one as a gift. But even then, I will rarely wear this shirt outside the house. Such is my hate for brand logos.
Product Placement
Now comes the latest abomination of advertising. It's not enough for me to have to sit through 1/3 of a television show's airtime watching commercials, now I have to watch as characters use sponsored products on said shows. Do I really need to know what brand of mayonnaise any given character uses? I don't think I do. I have no interest in that. Do these people honestly believe I will see a character using a brand product and go out and buy it? Because I wont! If anyone out there is listening: I WILL NOT!
But it's getting worse. Now I have to watch movies where the main character uses iMacs, drinks Coke, uses Rolex watches and drives a Mercedes. It's insane and I hate every moment of it. I got used to it on those damned James Bond movies and it's steadily gotten worse.
Video Games have started adopting these tactics and I hate them for it. Luckily I only know of three that use it explicitly and one that integrated it into the gameplay. The first three should be obvious for gamers: "Madden", "The Sims", "Everquest". Luckily for me, I either hate these games or became bored of them long before they started with the nonsense. Madden is a football game. So I can kind of understand them putting ads on there, the same way they do in NFL games on tv. But there is no excuse for integrating a PizzaHut order form in the game as Everquest has. What bothers me about this kind of advertisement is that the creators usually have to go out of their way to include this crap in the games. It's so glaring and obvious that it takes you out of the experience. Oh... How I hate them!
As for the one that integrated it into gameplay so that it's not so glaring: "Oddworld: Munch's Odyssey". This game features soda machines which can be used to acquire power-ups. I still hate it on principle but at least I can ignore it.
Cowboy Advertisement
I suppose there's not much I can do about all these ads. Let's face it. We're screwed. For now I'll leave you with this thought: They're called BRANDs. They are marking you with their BRAND. Therefore they are BRANDING you. This tells me all these companies basically see us as a bunch of cows. They figure people will buy anything they tell us to buy. They think we'll go where they steer us. Are they right? I don't know. They've been right so far... But until the day that these bastards start sending ads straight into our brains, I still have a choice.
I've always known advertisements were everywhere and for the most part I've always thought I could ignore it pretty easily. I ignore it so well that it lead to an embarrasing moment with a co-worker who was asking about my Nike shoes. I replied that I didn't have Nike shoes only to look down at the shoes I was wearing and seeing that familiar "swoosh". I can't help thinking there's something wrong with this situation.
Generally I try to avoid clothing that have any kind of logo or slogan on them because I hate the idea that I'm a walking billboard for some company. What's that about anyway? Not only do I have to pay for the clothes but I have to advertise their brand? Are they not in essence saying "You have to pay us for the privilege to wear our brand". Screw them.
The only time I'll wear a shirt with a logo is when someone will give me one as a gift. But even then, I will rarely wear this shirt outside the house. Such is my hate for brand logos.
Product Placement
Now comes the latest abomination of advertising. It's not enough for me to have to sit through 1/3 of a television show's airtime watching commercials, now I have to watch as characters use sponsored products on said shows. Do I really need to know what brand of mayonnaise any given character uses? I don't think I do. I have no interest in that. Do these people honestly believe I will see a character using a brand product and go out and buy it? Because I wont! If anyone out there is listening: I WILL NOT!
But it's getting worse. Now I have to watch movies where the main character uses iMacs, drinks Coke, uses Rolex watches and drives a Mercedes. It's insane and I hate every moment of it. I got used to it on those damned James Bond movies and it's steadily gotten worse.
Video Games have started adopting these tactics and I hate them for it. Luckily I only know of three that use it explicitly and one that integrated it into the gameplay. The first three should be obvious for gamers: "Madden", "The Sims", "Everquest". Luckily for me, I either hate these games or became bored of them long before they started with the nonsense. Madden is a football game. So I can kind of understand them putting ads on there, the same way they do in NFL games on tv. But there is no excuse for integrating a PizzaHut order form in the game as Everquest has. What bothers me about this kind of advertisement is that the creators usually have to go out of their way to include this crap in the games. It's so glaring and obvious that it takes you out of the experience. Oh... How I hate them!
As for the one that integrated it into gameplay so that it's not so glaring: "Oddworld: Munch's Odyssey". This game features soda machines which can be used to acquire power-ups. I still hate it on principle but at least I can ignore it.
Cowboy Advertisement
I suppose there's not much I can do about all these ads. Let's face it. We're screwed. For now I'll leave you with this thought: They're called BRANDs. They are marking you with their BRAND. Therefore they are BRANDING you. This tells me all these companies basically see us as a bunch of cows. They figure people will buy anything they tell us to buy. They think we'll go where they steer us. Are they right? I don't know. They've been right so far... But until the day that these bastards start sending ads straight into our brains, I still have a choice.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
I am an untapped well of ideas
Ever had a moment when you've been watching the latest Hollywood blockbuster and thought to yourself " This is crap. I could come up with better ideas than this!" Well... you're probably wrong. But that's ok.
Where would we be if we were not allowed to dream of a better world? Without such thoughts society would stagnate and fester in mediocrity. I mean... more so.
So in the spirit of thinking I'm better than overpaid Hollywood producers here is an idea for a movie that's due.
The Ring 3: The Whuppening
This story begins with a couple of teenage girls checking their e-mail as they gossip about boys, rock bands and (for some reason) internet sites. "Have you heard about that one internet video..." one asks gingerly.
"Ooooh. Which one? The one with the monkey touching his butt and then smelling his hand then falling off the tree. I love that one..." begins the other.
"No. It's... a different one. They say if you watch it and don't e-mail the link to someone in 7 days... you die."
"Oh yeah... the one that looks like a really bad student film?"
"That's the one."
"Yeah, I saw it 6 days and 23 hours and 59 minutes ago. I was going to e-mail it to Jason but then I totally got this e-mail from Samantha... oh, hold on. Just got an IM."
There is an eerie glow from the computer screen... then the horrible screams of the IMed girl who's face begins to contort and distend followed by the screams of the second girl as she is traumatized by the event.
The story continues as we meet a beautiful young woman living with her 7 year old son. The son is clearly a little punk and every time I see him I want to punch him in the face for some reason. Stupid kid. But anyway, the mom is way hot and she hears about the infamous "7 day video".
Soon this woman watches the video as well and begins to believe there may be something to all this talk. As she investigates she finds herself visiting a LAN party. At first everyone keeps to themselves and refuses to speak to her about the mysterious figure known as l337s7rik3r. She does however, meet a mysterious man who explains to her that those she has tried to speak to remain silent out of fear. You see, no male here has ever spoken to a girl.
Anyway, in the end she finds out that l337s7rik3r is some nerd who spent his entire life in the attic of his mother's home, back in the days where you used to pay hourly charges for internet access. After an especially long session on AOL, his parents killed him and shoved him down a well in order to keep him from taking them to the poorhouse. The boy's hatred at being killed and confined in a small space with no way of checking his e-mail (in ways that shall remain unexplained even in subsequent sequels) created an mpg which then e-mailed itself to various people around the world.
And though the woman is saved by e-mailing the link, l337s7trik3r kills that stupid kid anyway.
The End
Monday, September 19, 2005
Fun With Religion
Let God drink his beer, Dang it!
Let me begin by stating that I have nothing against any religion per se. While I do not personally believe in a benevolent God which watches over us and takes an interest in our daily lives, I do not discount the possibility. However, the very idea that a being as powerful as this would bother to create an entire universe as complex as our own merely to dedicate it's attention on a single planet, species, person or whatever seems laughable to me. Not to mention that everyone seems to be able to conduct the power of God (if you're a Christian anyway) for various tasks; many of which have little to do with morality or religiosity in general. Yes, that's right, I'm talking about all those musicians who accept awards with "the help of the allmighty" and those sports stars who thank "the great spirit" for various athletic ability. But there's also the day-to-day sacrilege practiced by everyone who prays. First of all, if there's a God what makes you think he/she/it wants to hear about your problems? Leave God alone. God has had a long and difficult day. In fact, the whole last century has pretty much sucked for God. At the end God just wants to sit in front of the tube with a beer and watch The Sopranos. But no. You have to come in there and start whining that you want this or that. Man... I wouldn't put up with that crap.
Intelligent Design
As this subject has interested me for some time I have listened to several arguments attempting to establish the idea of Intelligent Design as though it were a viable scientific theory. Unfortunately, try as they might, proponents of this "theory" invariably attempt to prove their argument merely by attacking darwinian evolution. This, as you may have been taught in high school, is known as a "Red Herring" argument. In essence this argument attempts to distract you from a weak premise or logic by presenting you with a weakness or inconsistency in the oppossition's stand point. While this tactic is often used in advertisements and politics you should remember that it is wrong. To prove an argument one should present the argument followed by proofs or support of the argument.
My second problem with Intelligent Design is simply this: it is a faith-based theory. No matter how many facts evolution presents to prove itself opponents will always be able to say "Yeah, but God made it that way." It's silly really. I could believe with all my conviction that magical faeries created the world with their lollipop wands. Proof? Bah. I need no proof; I have faith. Until you can prove to me that there are no magical faeries with lollipop wands creating planets anywhere in the universe I shall continue believing that this is the case.
Love God or Go To Hell
You know what really upsets me about Catholicism? The idea that I could totally be the nicest guy on earth, but if I don't get baptised... right to hell, my friend. I mean, what's the deal God? Just because I didn't get some priest to sprinkle water on me I have to suffer eternal torture and agony? Man... harsh. And last time I checked there was no real way to appeal the decision. At best you could hope for purgatory.
Purgatory. Now that's just evil. Who thought this one up? You just get to be there. I guess you wouldn't get to sit or stand I suppose since there technically isn't anything IN purgatory and that alone gives me problems... Would I get to talk to the other people there? Seems like I should be allowed to. If my soul were truly in balance I should not have to suffer, but being there with nothing to do seems like suffering. I have a short attention span you see.
I think I like the Buddhist idea of hell more. I'm not sure on this, so don't quote me. But I'm pretty sure in Bhuddism the soul is not eternally damned, just damned until it has suffered enough to atone for the sins it performed on earth. Then the soul would be allowed to reincarnate. Maybe not in anything terribly pleasant, but at least you're not being tortured. Anyway it would be your fault anyway. It's not like you just forgot to go to church and have the priest bless you. Also, I think there's a loophole where your family may offer atonement in order to lessen your punishment. I like that.
Leave me alone!
The last thing I will say is that if you are indeed a religious person and you believe with all your heart that God created the heavens, earth, animals and plants... fine. That's perfectly allright with me. I just ask one thing. Leave me alone. I respect your right to believe whatever you want to believe just don't try to force it on everyone else. You want to have mandatory prayer in church -- fine. Mandatory prayer in school -- not fine. All points of view are NOT valid. Some views are more valid than others. As such prayer should be left to places where like minded individuals may practice it as long and vigorously as they like. Evolution on the other hand is a part of the science of biology. Yes, it is a theory, but so is relativity. And yet, time and time again general relativity and special relativity have predicted movements of celestial bodies before they have been observed. Just because something is a theory does not mean it is not true. This merely manifests science's greatest ability, the ability to adapt and change when new facts are discovered that conflict with old beliefs. There's something I love about that. I just can't see a world where the Pope puts out a press release that says "Oh ... you know that whole thing about the 10 commandments... yeah... not so much. We've been looking through the books... turns out there's only 9. The one about the sabath... nevermind that one." Nope... just don't see it.
Links about evolution and religion:
Information on Richard Dawkins' "The Blind Watchmaker". Dawkins proves it's possible to write an intelligent book on evolution without alienating the average reader. This book shows the beauty of evolution and the lack of a need for intelligent design
http://www.simonyi.ox.ac.uk/dawkins/WorldOfDawkins-archive/Dawkins/Work/Books/blind.shtml
The Vatican Online. God takes to the web to spread the holy word and save some souls. I especially like the section on Saints. Not all of their biographies are in english, though.
http://www.vatican.va/phome_en.htm
A few quick facts about the major religions. Maybe you can find one to convert to.
http://www.mnsu.edu/emuseum/cultural/religion/
Let me begin by stating that I have nothing against any religion per se. While I do not personally believe in a benevolent God which watches over us and takes an interest in our daily lives, I do not discount the possibility. However, the very idea that a being as powerful as this would bother to create an entire universe as complex as our own merely to dedicate it's attention on a single planet, species, person or whatever seems laughable to me. Not to mention that everyone seems to be able to conduct the power of God (if you're a Christian anyway) for various tasks; many of which have little to do with morality or religiosity in general. Yes, that's right, I'm talking about all those musicians who accept awards with "the help of the allmighty" and those sports stars who thank "the great spirit" for various athletic ability. But there's also the day-to-day sacrilege practiced by everyone who prays. First of all, if there's a God what makes you think he/she/it wants to hear about your problems? Leave God alone. God has had a long and difficult day. In fact, the whole last century has pretty much sucked for God. At the end God just wants to sit in front of the tube with a beer and watch The Sopranos. But no. You have to come in there and start whining that you want this or that. Man... I wouldn't put up with that crap.
Intelligent Design
As this subject has interested me for some time I have listened to several arguments attempting to establish the idea of Intelligent Design as though it were a viable scientific theory. Unfortunately, try as they might, proponents of this "theory" invariably attempt to prove their argument merely by attacking darwinian evolution. This, as you may have been taught in high school, is known as a "Red Herring" argument. In essence this argument attempts to distract you from a weak premise or logic by presenting you with a weakness or inconsistency in the oppossition's stand point. While this tactic is often used in advertisements and politics you should remember that it is wrong. To prove an argument one should present the argument followed by proofs or support of the argument.
My second problem with Intelligent Design is simply this: it is a faith-based theory. No matter how many facts evolution presents to prove itself opponents will always be able to say "Yeah, but God made it that way." It's silly really. I could believe with all my conviction that magical faeries created the world with their lollipop wands. Proof? Bah. I need no proof; I have faith. Until you can prove to me that there are no magical faeries with lollipop wands creating planets anywhere in the universe I shall continue believing that this is the case.
Love God or Go To Hell
You know what really upsets me about Catholicism? The idea that I could totally be the nicest guy on earth, but if I don't get baptised... right to hell, my friend. I mean, what's the deal God? Just because I didn't get some priest to sprinkle water on me I have to suffer eternal torture and agony? Man... harsh. And last time I checked there was no real way to appeal the decision. At best you could hope for purgatory.
Purgatory. Now that's just evil. Who thought this one up? You just get to be there. I guess you wouldn't get to sit or stand I suppose since there technically isn't anything IN purgatory and that alone gives me problems... Would I get to talk to the other people there? Seems like I should be allowed to. If my soul were truly in balance I should not have to suffer, but being there with nothing to do seems like suffering. I have a short attention span you see.
I think I like the Buddhist idea of hell more. I'm not sure on this, so don't quote me. But I'm pretty sure in Bhuddism the soul is not eternally damned, just damned until it has suffered enough to atone for the sins it performed on earth. Then the soul would be allowed to reincarnate. Maybe not in anything terribly pleasant, but at least you're not being tortured. Anyway it would be your fault anyway. It's not like you just forgot to go to church and have the priest bless you. Also, I think there's a loophole where your family may offer atonement in order to lessen your punishment. I like that.
Leave me alone!
The last thing I will say is that if you are indeed a religious person and you believe with all your heart that God created the heavens, earth, animals and plants... fine. That's perfectly allright with me. I just ask one thing. Leave me alone. I respect your right to believe whatever you want to believe just don't try to force it on everyone else. You want to have mandatory prayer in church -- fine. Mandatory prayer in school -- not fine. All points of view are NOT valid. Some views are more valid than others. As such prayer should be left to places where like minded individuals may practice it as long and vigorously as they like. Evolution on the other hand is a part of the science of biology. Yes, it is a theory, but so is relativity. And yet, time and time again general relativity and special relativity have predicted movements of celestial bodies before they have been observed. Just because something is a theory does not mean it is not true. This merely manifests science's greatest ability, the ability to adapt and change when new facts are discovered that conflict with old beliefs. There's something I love about that. I just can't see a world where the Pope puts out a press release that says "Oh ... you know that whole thing about the 10 commandments... yeah... not so much. We've been looking through the books... turns out there's only 9. The one about the sabath... nevermind that one." Nope... just don't see it.
Links about evolution and religion:
Information on Richard Dawkins' "The Blind Watchmaker". Dawkins proves it's possible to write an intelligent book on evolution without alienating the average reader. This book shows the beauty of evolution and the lack of a need for intelligent design
http://www.simonyi.ox.ac.uk/dawkins/WorldOfDawkins-archive/Dawkins/Work/Books/blind.shtml
The Vatican Online. God takes to the web to spread the holy word and save some souls. I especially like the section on Saints. Not all of their biographies are in english, though.
http://www.vatican.va/phome_en.htm
A few quick facts about the major religions. Maybe you can find one to convert to.
http://www.mnsu.edu/emuseum/cultural/religion/
Disclosure of Intent
So I've been up and down this here Intarweb thingie and it seems to me that I should finally get around to adding my two bits. More as a way to exercise my writing than anything else. Nevertheless, here I am in all my blogging glory!
So... what is "Reckless Disclosure"?
More than anything it will be my take on everything I see around me. Often, I will be merely blogging my dislike for the world... after all, what else are blogs good for? But whining can only take us so far. I think I'll also post interesting sites I come across, comment on interesting news and just post interesting thoughts that pop into my head from time to time.
So that's it. We'll see how it goes.
So... what is "Reckless Disclosure"?
More than anything it will be my take on everything I see around me. Often, I will be merely blogging my dislike for the world... after all, what else are blogs good for? But whining can only take us so far. I think I'll also post interesting sites I come across, comment on interesting news and just post interesting thoughts that pop into my head from time to time.
So that's it. We'll see how it goes.
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