I have come to the conclusion that we are overdue for genetically altered foods. While peeling the shell off my shrimp tonight, I realized how glorious the world would be if we could alter shrimp for easier consumption. Granted, the shell must have some use in the wild and all that... but I couldn't care less. Breed the little buggers in fish tanks and keep them clean and ready to serve up in an instant. In terms of energy gained in eating them vs energy used to gather, cook and peel these damn things, I can't help but think we're on the losing end.
But enough about shrimp. Though they may be the most enfuriating food item, I think it's about time the rest of the food groups got a good scrutinization. Think about how much time we could regain by genetically altering all forms of foods and animals to make them easier to consume!
Let's begin with everyone's favorite: fruits and vegetables. Let's be honest, bananas have been looking down at us since the beginning of time. "Look at me. I'm a banana. Concealing my deliciousness in this yellow peel. Watch how I taunt you, humans! Waste energy to access my fruity goodness!" it seems to say... if bananas had mouths, I mean... you know... and could talk... But no more! Science has progressed at last to the point where we can replace the banana peel by genetically replacing that gene with the cocoa plant. Thus making the worlds first natural chocolate covered banana! Onward, science. I salute you.
I love the orange... but Oh, how I curse it. As sweet and juicy as it may be, its secrets remain locked within that horrible orange fortress. With the advancements in science, we can do away with this evil creation of nature. At last, the orange and its nutritious contents can be ours with limited effort.
Walnuts rival the shrimp in the enjoyment/nutrition gain vs energy spent category. It just isn't worth it... But now comes science with its genetic might to do away with the walnut shell! At last, a bounty of walnuts can be mine with zero effort!
But the plant kingdom is not the only one that could use some genetically altered goodness. I've already mentioned the shrimp so I wont bring them up again... even though I hate them oh so much...
Spineless fish! Yes, I know you can get de-spined fish and all that... but it's the principle of the thing. I need some genetically altered fish as a part of my diet. Fish engineered to have no bones or support of any kind, while being hillarious to watch swim, would also be delicious. And at last I could enjoy a meal of fish without the fear of swallowing a sharp spine and choking to death.
I personally hate chicken. But if there were one place to make money by altering an animal to make it easier to eat, this would be your best bet. Somewhere out there, someone HAS to be working on a way to make chickens cook from the inside. Seriously... we need to genetically alter the chicken so that serious fright causes them to explode in just the right places (wings, breast, drumstick) and the explosion causes an even, delicious cooking. We can even cross some chickens with a jalapeno for a spicy flavor.
Cows... are the worlds most perfect food. But let's face it, they're as stupid as certain kinds of moss. And so, I propose we go the route of Douglas Adams' "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe". We must genetically alter these pathetically stupid animals to enjoy destroying themselves for our consumption. Not only would you totally freak out the vegetarians, but if the cow helps you to slaughter it... how much effort do you save?! It's genius.
Anyway, those are my thoughts tonight. Somebody get on this. I want my chocolate covered bananas in 10 years or less!
