Ever had a moment when you've been watching the latest Hollywood blockbuster and thought to yourself " This is crap. I could come up with better ideas than this!" Well... you're probably wrong. But that's ok.
Where would we be if we were not allowed to dream of a better world? Without such thoughts society would stagnate and fester in mediocrity. I mean... more so.
So in the spirit of thinking I'm better than overpaid Hollywood producers here is an idea for a movie that's due.
The Ring 3: The Whuppening
This story begins with a couple of teenage girls checking their e-mail as they gossip about boys, rock bands and (for some reason) internet sites. "Have you heard about that one internet video..." one asks gingerly.
"Ooooh. Which one? The one with the monkey touching his butt and then smelling his hand then falling off the tree. I love that one..." begins the other.
"No. It's... a different one. They say if you watch it and don't e-mail the link to someone in 7 days... you die."
"Oh yeah... the one that looks like a really bad student film?"
"That's the one."
"Yeah, I saw it 6 days and 23 hours and 59 minutes ago. I was going to e-mail it to Jason but then I totally got this e-mail from Samantha... oh, hold on. Just got an IM."
There is an eerie glow from the computer screen... then the horrible screams of the IMed girl who's face begins to contort and distend followed by the screams of the second girl as she is traumatized by the event.
The story continues as we meet a beautiful young woman living with her 7 year old son. The son is clearly a little punk and every time I see him I want to punch him in the face for some reason. Stupid kid. But anyway, the mom is way hot and she hears about the infamous "7 day video".
Soon this woman watches the video as well and begins to believe there may be something to all this talk. As she investigates she finds herself visiting a LAN party. At first everyone keeps to themselves and refuses to speak to her about the mysterious figure known as l337s7rik3r. She does however, meet a mysterious man who explains to her that those she has tried to speak to remain silent out of fear. You see, no male here has ever spoken to a girl.
Anyway, in the end she finds out that l337s7rik3r is some nerd who spent his entire life in the attic of his mother's home, back in the days where you used to pay hourly charges for internet access. After an especially long session on AOL, his parents killed him and shoved him down a well in order to keep him from taking them to the poorhouse. The boy's hatred at being killed and confined in a small space with no way of checking his e-mail (in ways that shall remain unexplained even in subsequent sequels) created an mpg which then e-mailed itself to various people around the world.
And though the woman is saved by e-mailing the link, l337s7trik3r kills that stupid kid anyway.
The End
No comments:
Post a Comment